Why everyone should read the courage to be disliked
What if Sigmund Freud lost and Alfred Adler won the epic battle of modern psychology?
“The Courage to be Disliked” by Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga is the best book on Adlerian Psychology.
If you’ve read it, you know exactly what I’m talking about, but if you haven’t, here’s why:
But first, a tiny bit of background: you probably don’t even know that Adler was a contemporary of Freud and Jung, and unfortunately for all of us, Freud and Jung’s approach won out.
Here’s the big difference, Freud’s approach is about looking backward, while Adler’s approach is about looking forward, also called teleological in that it defines things from a future purpose, rather than Freud who essentially blames it all on your childhood.
Alderian psychology looks toward the future to define your present. Let’s look at how Freud and Adler would approach this question: Why are bad things happening to me?
Freud: Probably as a result of a traumatic experience in your youth. Adler: Probably in order to help you develop into the person you need to become.
Of course, that’s simplified, but here are five reasons why The Courage to be Disliked should be required reading.
• Reason 1: Conversational
This book is written as a conversation between a youth and a philosopher and so it is very easy to understand and comprehend. It’s discursive in that it follows a logical order and builds upon itself. You don’t have to have a psychology degree to understand it.
• Reason 2: The Past Does Not Exist
Where Freud will say you can’t escape your past, Adler says, “No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on.” The past is an excuse for us to continue being miserable. It cannot influence us unless we give it permission.
• Reason 3: All Problems are Interpersonal Relationship Problems
You can’t feel lonely without being surrounded by people. It’s the absence of connection with them that makes you feel lonely. There’s no such thing as learning loss, because a child is only behind in her learning when compared to another person. Each person’s path is unique.
• Reason 4: Overcome Any Task With These Two Rules
- be self-reliant and
- live in harmony with society This means that you believe “I have the ability” to whatever that thing is AND that “people are my comrades”
• Reason 5: You Cannot Blame Anyone
You, and no other person, situation, context, or anything else, are the one who decides your life. It’s not your mom’s fault, your dad who left you, your bad night’s sleep, society, “the Man”, privilege. You alone are responsible for where your life is. When you can break away from the trap of blaming someone or something else for your woes, it is incredibly freeing.
These are just five reasons, but there is so much more in that book that is so powerful.