Self Esteem
last_modified_at: 2024-09-28 01:46:27
last_modified_at: 2024-09-28 01:46:27 —
https://x.com/renmiou/status/1797747724609294468
Self-Esteem comes from adding value.
You both giving praise to the other doesn’t make a horizontal relationship, it makes two vertical relationships where sometimes he is above and sometimes he is below.
This is two sides of the same coin.
Please, by all means, mention the good qualities your son has, in a way that shows that he has value.
For example, my daughter is writing a story, a short bit every day. It’s wonderful, engaging, and entertaining.
I could tell her, “Good job on the writing, you did great.”
Or, I could tell her, “Thank you for writing an entertaining story.”
The first makes it a vertical relationship, where I, who knows all, am praising her for writing and judging it as great.
The second shows the value that she gave me by writing something that entertained me. She contributed to the betterment of my life by writing something entertaining. And I showed her value by expressing gratitude, because we have a horizontal relationship.
A horizontal relationship does not diminish the parental relationship. It teaches her how to be an adult by highlighting the value she adds to my life (and by extension to a broader community).
Her self-esteem increases because she believes, “I am an entertaining writer.” When I tell her she did great writing she learns, “My dad thinks I’m a great writer” but she may begin to wonder if that is real or if dad has to like her writing.