Our society has taken a deep truth, and bastardized it for the modern era.

Here are a few examples.

One school in Washington canceled Halloween celebrations (which I’m all for, btw) because not every student had the financial means to participate. They said it was an equity issue.

“We should stop doing X because 1 student might be upset by it.”

One of the schools I worked in suggested that we stop having a school store (where students purchased goodies with school money we gave them) because some kids behaved poorly and didn’t earn as much money as others.

Some schools have done away with ranking (also something I’m good with) because students felt bad that they weren’t at the top. Or it created too many upset parents and students.

There have been many words over time that we have stopped using because they are offensive. This is also a good thing, but I’m arguing here that our reasons for such changes need to be done for the right reasons.

I recently saw a Facebook post about not doing twinning day because someone might be left out.

In my experience in schools, I have been part of many conversations of well-intentioned people not wanting to do something because someone might get upset.

Not wanting to offend “someone” is not a good enough reason to make a change.

It’s a vague, useless, infantilizing way to go about helping others.

Nobody will feel left out if you KNOW every person.

Also, life is hard, so people are going to be offended and hurt. Instead of [catering] to the one, you should seek out and directly serve the one. Leave the 99, because they’ll be fine. Go give that person what he or she needs.

In Matthew 18, we read:

11 For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.

12 How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray?

We need to leave the 99, and go save the one who has gone astray.

What we have taken this to mean, is that we should not do anything that could possibly offend one single person.

We have changed what this means to give us permission to limit anything that might possibly offend someone.

People on the right will say they can’t practice their religion. This is (Mostly) baloney.

People on the left will say people on the right are “white supremacists” because they think this way or that way. This is also (mostly) baloney.

Although, as an aside, I will say that people are actively prevented from practicing their religion (Uyghur Muslims in China, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints being forced out of Missouri and Illinois in the 1800s) and white supremacists do exist. I still meet people today who think that I am not a Christian because I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

But that’s not what this is about.

Our culture has moved in a way that anything that might offend someone is immediately seen by the culture as a whole as a bad thing that should be stopped.

Now let me be clear, treating people poorly is wrong. We shouldn’t do that. I don’t need to list all the ways we can be rude and treat people poorly. If you read this and think that I’m advocating for some sort of “one loosely defined group is better than another” that’s your problem, because you are forcing yourself to see that.

We should love one another.

This is a difficult stance to adopt, but it is possible. it’s difficult because loving others is not easy. We have to see through the things that make them different and still see their potential as human beings, as fellow children of God.

Loving one another does not mean that we should be totally OK with anything that anyone does. That’s abuse, not love.

I’m reminded of a story of a man who was in a terrible accident caused by an underage drunk driver, and it killed his pregnant wife and two of his kids.

I cannot image the pain and anger that I would feel if I were him.

But, do you know what this man did? He frankly forgave that young driver, and asked for the most lenient possible sentence. He said the young man had already had punishment enough knowing that he would have to live forever with the knowledge that he destroyed a family and killed several innocent people.

Wow.

That’s not catering to someone. That is actively leaving the 99 and going to the one. That’s powerful.

So what does this look like in schools?

When we have an opportunity to make a decision about something, like twinning day, for example, rather than stopping it because someone might be left out, let’s ask a different question: what can we do to make sure nobody is left out? What can we do make sure that everyone (who wants a twin) has a twin?

If we know kids well enough to know that someone might need help with that, we should actively seek them out and provide that support.

One school I was in made sure that we had Halloween costumes for every student so that they could be part of the Halloween parade.

What if you are in a place where the one is majority, not the minority, and it is actually you leaving the 1 and serving the 99? In some situations, that happens. In other situations, we assume that everyone has needs when they really don’t.

In that same school where we made sure everyone had a Halloween costume, there were several students who did not need a Halloween costume but still took one because it was available. This same issue escalated when we started taking away responsibility from parents by providing too much to the students.

This is the flip side of this problem. Sometimes we really do go overboard.

One of my more controversial stances lately is that [[education is the responsibility of the parents]], and the state serves a role in supporting that. This is more true than most educators care to admit, but it is still true.

More on that piece later.

We go overboard when we assume we know what everyone needs.

We go overboard when we take responsibility away from people.

We go overboard when we think that people can't do something, rather than inquiring if they can.

Here's a short story to finish off that last thought. Some kids in special education have learned helplessness. They have learned that their aides and teachers will do things for them, so they don't need to try.

I entered a room for an observation one day and saw an aide writing for a particular student. I had actually been in this young man's classroom just moments before in the previous period, where he was doing all the writing himself. And, the content was considerably more challenging for him